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Day 9 of 12 Days of Christmas: Nine ladies dancing

By jacksonnhccPosted on Posted in Advent & Christmas, Home, Weekly MeditationsTagged , , , ,

Lady’s Boogie — Langston Hughes

See that lady
Dressed so fine?
She ain’t got boogie-woogie
On her mind—

But if she was to listen
I bet she’d hear,
Way up in the treble
The tingle of a tear.

    Be-Bach!

SONGS about LADIES:

CHRISTIAN SYMBOLISM applied to LYRICS (or not)

The symbolism associated with the nine ladies dancing are the nine characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit.  They are found in Galatians 5:22-23.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,  (23)  Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” — https://kscnewmancenter.wordpress.com/2013/01/02/twelve-days-of-christmas-day-9-nine-ladies-dancing/

Jolly News — Dayton Daily News: https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/opinion/jolly-thoughts-the-days-christmas/idfbtmBoOnw95HiAoa31GI/

There is no firm consensus, but two conflicting theories dominate.

The religious theory stems from the suppression of Catholicism during the reigns of certain British Protestant monarchs and Reformists. The theory is that each of these phrases were codes that referred to tenets of Catholicism that would be inadvisable or dangerous to proclaim publicly, but could be used to teach and remind children. … This theory … is dumb. First, not all the things listed were prohibited by the reformists. Secondly, they seem really stretched; it would be much easier to make up a better, more meaningful code that would fit … And thirdly, they merely refer to things like the Ten Commandments, they don’t tell us what they are. That would have to be taught elsewhere … No, the religious connotation seems merely a poor attempt to force something to fit that just doesn’t fit, and long after the fact. Such attempts at religious meanings were not even published until at least 300 years after the song was popular.

It is much more probable that it is merely a child’s game or adult parlor game, similar to many of the “forfeits” games played in Victorian England. In such games, participants have to either have an answer (as in the game of similes) or be able to repeat what has been said before and add something, or the like, or be required to “forfeit” or otherwise be out of the game. This theory is borne out by the fact that there are many variations of the song, many changing the last verses (thus the more complicated ones in any game), so that there may be 12 lords a-leaping, 11 ladies (or dames) dancing (or waiting), 10 pipers piping, nine drummers drumming … even 10 fiddlers fiddling.

There were also many other gifts introduced, including hounds, pheasants, bells, badgers, ships (a-sailing), etc. Obviously the game wouldn’t be very exciting or challenging if everyone knew the phrases like we do today; variations were necessary to make a game of it.

COST of CHRISTMAS According to PNC (full article: https://www.pnc.com/insights/our-commitments/customers/pnc-s-christmas-price-index–soars-for-true-loves.html)

PNC has calculated the cost of true love’s gifts based on the holiday song “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”  While the gifts of birds, precious metals and performers haven’t changed, the price to buy them all has soared this year, in line with what consumers are facing in the real world.

PNC’s Christmas Price Index (CPI), based on the price of the gifts in the song, grew by 10.5 percent in 2022, the third highest year-over-year increase in history of PNC’s whimsical holiday tradition. The overall cost to buy all 12 gifts in the song is a record $45,523.27 in 2022.

“True Love’s shopping tab reflects what’s happening in the broader economy this year as commodity and energy prices, along with supply chain disruptions, have driven the cost of goods and services up,” said Amanda Agati, chief investment officer for the PNC Asset Management Group.

Rising Costs Drive Growth

Birds comprise half of the gifts in the CPI and an overall increase in bird and feed prices are a factor in this year’s cost. Prices for the turtle doves ($600), French hens ($318.75) and geese ($720) all jumped by at least 9% in 2022. The partridge ($20.18) – and more pertinently – its pear tree home ($260) grew by nearly 26% this year, primarily due to increased costs of fertilizer for the tree.

Prices in the service economy also jumped in 2022, reflected in the cost of the performance-based gifts at the back half of True Love’s shopping list. Wage and labor cost growth drove prices higher for the Nine Ladies Dancing ($8,308.12), Eleven Pipers Piping ($3,021.40) and Twelve Drummers Drumming ($3,266.93.) The Ten Lords-a-Leaping – priced on the cost of hiring a ballet company – grew an astounding 24 percent year over year to $13,980, supplanting the swans as the most expensive single gift in the index.

The rising costs of goods and services due to inflation likely sent some investors seeking gold. That resulted in growing prices for the precious metal this holiday season and a 39% increase in the cost of the Five Gold Rings ($1,245) for True Loves – the largest year-over-year percentage increase for any of the gifts in the index.

“While it’s unlikely most holiday shoppers are looking to gift the way True Love does, the experience of a higher holiday bill is a reality,” Agati said. “Whether your shopping list includes birds and bands or something more traditional, the cost of production, shipping and labor is up this year, which means price tags follow suit.

Like the index, consumer behavior is the drumbeat for the U.S. economy,” Agati said. “With 70% of U.S. GDP tied to consumption, consumer financial health is key to future market performance. We will be keeping an eye on guiding stars like retail sales, savings rates and consumer sentiment as indicators of the success of this holiday season,” she added.

VARYING LYRICS — Wikipedia

The earliest known publications of the words to The Twelve Days of Christmas were an illustrated children’s book, Mirth Without Mischief, published in London in 1780, and a broadsheet by Angus, of Newcastle, dated to the late eighteenth or early nineteenth centuries.

While the words as published in Mirth without Mischief and the Angus broadsheet were almost identical, subsequent versions (beginning with James Orchard Halliwell’s Nursery Rhymes of England of 1842) have displayed considerable variation:

  • In the earliest versions, the word on is not present at the beginning of each verse—for example, the first verse begins simply “The first day of Christmas”. On was added in Austin’s 1909 version, and became very popular thereafter.
  • In the early versions “my true love sent” me the gifts. However, a 20th-century variant has “my true love gave to me”; this wording has become particularly common in North America.
  • In one 19th-century variant, the gifts come from “my mother” rather than “my true love”.
  • Some variants have “juniper tree” or “June apple tree” rather than “pear tree”, presumably a mishearing of “partridge in a pear tree”.
  • The 1780 version has “four colly birds”—colly being a regional English expression for “coal-black” (the name of the collie dog breed may come from this word).This wording must have been opaque to many even in the 19th century: “canary birds”, “colour’d birds”, “curley birds”, and “corley birds” are found in its place. Frederic Austin’s 1909 version, which introduced the now-standard melody, also altered the fourth day’s gift to four “calling” birds, and this variant has become the most popular, although “colly” is still found.
  • “Five gold rings” has often become “five golden rings”, especially in North America In the standard melody, this change enables singers to fit one syllable per musical note.
  • The gifts associated with the final four days are often reordered. For example, the pipers may be on the ninth day rather than the eleventh.

12 Days of Wordlady: Nine Ladies Dancing (full article: https://katherinebarber.blogspot.com/2014/12/12-days-of-wordlady-nine-ladies-dancing.html)

I have already discussed the interesting story of “dance”, but what about “lady”, a word obviously close to my heart?

It is derived from an Old English word, hlæfdie, a compound of hlæf (bread) and dige (kneader). From its earliest appearance in written records, this “bread kneader” was the woman in charge of a household.

The second element of the compound, dige, is related to the word that gave us “dairy”, as we saw in our last post. The first element, hlæf, evolved into “loaf”, its place as the collective word for the staff of life usurped by “bread”, which started out meaning “a piece of food”. “Give us today our daily loaf” and “I am the loaf of life,” said Anglo-Saxon Gospel translations.

Lady Day — J. Patrick Lewis

for Billie Holiday

Lady could pour you a song,

Coffee and a little cream.

Stir it the whole night long

Into a brown-sugar dream.

Lady could wrap you a note

Up in a velvet night—

Sometimes Manhattan satin,

Always Harlem delight.

Lady Day could sing it

Like nobody ever has

At the Shim Sham Club, Hot Cha Cha,

Joints that swung on jazz.

Her bittersweet songs told Heartbreak,

Meet your sister Pain,

But Lady melted yesterdays

Into beautiful rain.

Lady Birds’ Evening Meetings — Tacey M. Atsitty

After Sylvia Plath’s bee poems

Why am I here again with all of them flittering about? Just to be alone—

It’s what I tell myself, that I too bear black spots on red skin,

It’s how we scamper about before flowing off with our chiffon wings ready to take flight

At a moment’s notice, I am against the wall once again, wainscotting.

The girl on my soccer team leans over to me as I ready to take the seat next to her.

I don’t want no dirty Navajo sitting next to me, she says with her foreleg atop the cold metal chair.

So I take a seat in the row behind before leaving to find an empty room upstairs.

That day the leaders made us binders, wrapped in cotton filling, fabric, and lace.

I got the last pick; well, it wasn’t a pick at all. It was an ugly bright yellow calico print with thick white cotton lace. No one wanted it.

Why did no one tell me to wear a dress?

It’s my first time to this edifice, and I come without—

The girl down the street, the nice one, offers to buy me a white dress with pink florals from Kmart with her credit card. I accept.

This is an emergency, she declares with her card held high in the air.

I am 13 and she 17. Her parents say she can only use it in the event of—

The fabric hugs my ladybug rolls snugly as I step my way to the temple door.

It’s where we learn to really spread our wings in worship, tune our antennae like aluminum to the heavens.

Earlier I said, I could marry anywhere—that it didn’t matter none to me.

I didn’t know it yet, but I was a bug amid blossoms and their vines, winding through unnoticed and unaware

Until a knock came to my door: a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies sits on the welcome mat,

The girls giggling behind the trees, and there in the starlit night, we became a bloom.

bag lady, boxed — Emily Carney

there is a plasticity to the soul that can fit inside

sweaters but not inside drawers. how many times

can one watch the same porn video before one

feels that they have become that porn video. how

many times can you attempt to untangle a cross. i

bought a black dress today — long, and covered with

sequins in the timorous shapes of stars. when i paid for it i

imagined myself sitting in it on a curb drinking beer with you,

so tell me what came first, the beer or the dress. you put

my broken buddha lamp in the hall today because it

“just didn’t fit.” i put you on the right side of my neck

during a sex dream for the same reason. pisces

is the blue cheese of the zodiac signs. are you a gemini?

rose-covered curtains give me anxiety and black gauze

has the polar-opposite effect. does styrofoam turn you

on? it is narcissistic to assume that anything likes to be liked by

you. it is narcissistic to assume that anything matters if

you don’t. i would like to be a man ray photograph

more than i would like to be a person. i would like to

be the glass carnival wallpaper at your lips more than

i would like to be a person. would you fuck me against

your window, even though it is phobic to be naked

in public? i have a feeling that although you are a poet,

you think that poets are phony. i have a feeling that it’s

all a joke to you and i like it, but i am not similar.

your lips came to me in a dream, red and shiny like

cartoon wool. your lips came to me in a honda

and i loved them away, and i pushed them anyway.

i wanted to be a porn star, your father wanted you to

make boxes. we both felt upset about the wanting. we both

learned that it is important to feel guiltless about smashing guitars.

i am a 5 p.m. person who buys cardigans to look like

trash. you are a 9 p.m. person who likes both

kinds of nylon against your fingers. i couldn’t

concentrate in yoga because i was fixated

on how much you’d like the ass of the

girl in front of me. i’m starting to believe that purple

hair is cliché and i don’t like it. i let myself get wet in the

rain today because i wanted you to be proud of me. when are my

poems going to stop you.

this is just the long string of molecules.

this is just the long.

Saying I’m Sorry, making amends, seeking and offering forgiveness: themes from Detective Gamache’s final sentence (handled as a prayer)

By jacksonnhccPosted on Posted in Calendar, Justice & Activism, Weekly MeditationsTagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Never forget the nine most important words of any family-
I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me. – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Any good apology has 3 parts: 1) I’m sorry 2) It’s my fault 3) What can I do to make it right? Most people forget the third part. — Unattributed

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.
That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand. – Emily Kimbrough

How can I tell you
That I love you, I love you
But I can’t think of [the] right words to say
— Cat Stevens

It’s sad, so sad, Why can’t we talk it over?
Oh, it seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hardest word
— Elton John
I’ve been tryin’ to get down, To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak, And the ashes will scatter
So, I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness, Forgiveness
Even if , even if you don’t love me— Don Henley

You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty
You know I try but I don’t do too well with apologies
I hope I don’t run out of time, could someone call a referee?
‘Cause I just need one more shot at forgiveness
— Justin Bieber

Questions to consider:

  • What is the difference between saying “I’m sorry” and apologizing? What makes an apology meaningful?
  • How do you understand ‘making amends’?
  • On the other side of apologizing and making amends, is the process of forgiveness. Is it helpful to think about forgiveness as a path or a journey, rather than as a finite, one-time act?

Apology Is More Than Saying I’m Sorry.

Songs about saying I’m Sorry, expressing Regret, seeking Forgiveness, experiencing Grace & Mercy:

Pop, rock, hip hop, country, indie, metal, blues:

Religious/Christian rock, pop, Gospel, ballad, country:

Being Sorry, Making Amends, Apologizing, Seeking Forgiveness

Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless. — Bryan Davis

Would ‘sorry’ have made any difference? Does it ever? It’s just a word. One word against a thousand actions. – Sarah Ockler

Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past. – Tyron Edwards

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you. — Lewis Smedes
  In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry.’ – Margaret Laurence

Nothing is easier than to condemn the evildoer, nothing is harder than to understand him. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another. — Emma Goldman
The best apology is changed behavior. Apologies are not meant to change the past; they are supposed to change the future. — John Farrar

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. – Paul Boese

True remorse is never just a regret over consequence; it is a regret over motive. – Mignon McLaughlin

Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets. – Henry Kissinger

Apologies only account for that which they do not alter. – Benjamin Disraeli

The ability of a person to atone has always been the most remarkable of human features. – Leon Uris

You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched. – Edgar Watson Howe

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway. – Henry Boye

Forgiveness Project: What is Forgiveness?

… forgiveness means many different things to different people. It is deeply personal, often private and far from the soft option many take it to be … often forgiveness is difficult, costly, painful – but potentially transformative.

  • Above all, forgiveness must be a choice because to expect someone to forgive can victimize them all over again. Forgiveness is also a journey and not a destination: in other words it is rarely a one-off, fixed event or a single magnanimous gesture in response to an isolated offence. It is part of a continuum of human engagements in healing broken relationships.
  • You can forgive small acts or big acts; acts against an individual , or a group, or a god. Such acts may or may not be crimes, for example adultery or betrayal.
  • Forgiveness is often considered the mental, and/or spiritual process of relinquishing resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, or ceasing to demand punishment. It is quite separate from justice (meted out by the state through the courts or some other delegated authority). But forgiveness does not preclude justice.
  • … forgiveness can be a useful life skill which can liberate a person who has been hurt, releasing them from the grip of the perpetrator. It is connected with acceptance and moving on. Some have said forgiveness is ‘giving up all hope of a better past.’ In this sense forgiveness is also an act of self-healing, rather than an act of kindness towards someone who has hurt you.
  • In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response from the perpetrator (for example, you can forgive a person who shows no remorse or a person who is dead). In other contexts, it may be necessary for the perpetrator to offer some form of acknowledgment, an apology and/or reparation in order for the wronged person to believe they are able to forgive,
  • Finally, forgiveness does not condone or excuse the action. It is a gift from one individual to another. It is therefore debatable whether institutions, governments or nameless officials can actually be forgiven. Some say that with extreme offenses while you may forgive a person for what he or she has done, the act itself remains unforgivable.

Certainly, if somebody is really apologetic and takes responsibility—“My bad. I really hurt you. No excuses.” Then forgiveness is easier. It’s not just bad because you got hurt, but I did something wrong. When someone says, “I’m sorry because you’re hurt,” well, that can make the person who’s been injured feel at fault because they were hurt. That’s an offensive kind of apology. It’s different when you say: “Boy, I did wrong, independently of whether or not you got hurt. I also see how that wrong has impacted you, and I’m sorry for that.” So there are two steps—“I did wrong, and that wrong hurt you.” Then the next step is, “Since it’s my responsibility, what can I do to make it better for you?” That’s a true apology, and that makes a real difference. — Frederic Luskin

From What’s Really Behind ‘I’m Sorry’ Versus ‘I Apologize’& How To Move One — Good Men Project

When you’re saying “I’m sorry,” a sincere apology usually includes the following:

  • a detailed account of the situation
  • acknowledgement of the hurt or damage done
  • taking responsibility for the situation
  • recognition of your role in the event
  • a statement of regret
  • asking for forgiveness
  • a promise that it won’t happen again
  • a form of restitution whenever possible

Making Amends – Learning from the Twelve-Step Program

Making Amends in Addiction Recovery … Step Eight and Step Nine … call this approach “making amends” (full article on Betty Ford site)

  • Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  • Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Below, experts at Hazelden Betty Ford’s Connection™ recovery coaching program answer frequently asked questions about this reconciliation process and why it’s so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health.

What is a Direct Amend?

In Twelve Step recovery from alcohol or other drug addiction, a direct amend refers to the act of personally addressing issues with people who have been harmed by our behavior or our treatment of them. The practice involves going back to those individuals to acknowledge the harm or hurt we have caused them and demonstrate our changed ways in order to provide them with the opportunity to heal. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.
In active addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned. For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party but, in actuality, we fail to show up for the event. While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior.

In recovery, our actions and intentions are aligned. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took.

Are There Times When Direct Amends Are Not Advisable?

Yes. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. Also, we might owe amends to people we can’t reach. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions such as donating money, volunteering our time or providing care.

It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.

Should I Try to Make Amends with Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Hear From Me?
No matter how much you feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with your or hear from you is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others.

How Will Making Amends Help my Recovery?

Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Step 8 and Step 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.

What If my Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?

It’s important to have a plan in place before you reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event you would need support. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person you are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as you are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive, or whether they will hold onto negative feelings or resentments.

Should I Work on Step Eight Alone?
Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12×12) for guidance specific to Step 8.

When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged. Start by listing the people closest to you. Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from alcohol or drug addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times. Eventually, you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles.

What is the Best Way to Make Amends?

There really isn’t a “best way” for everyone. You need to find the approach that works best for you. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. It’s simple, but not easy. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease.

How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I am Sober?

There isn’t a set timeline for working Step 8 and Step 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt, you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose.

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